Texas Congress passes concealed rocket launcher bill

This man is heading to the bookstore and wants to make sure his freedom is protected. Photo Creative CommonsAUSTIN—The Texas Congress passed a bill Tuesday that will allow registered citizens to carry concealed rocket launchers on their person in public places. After months of heated debate, House and Senate Republicans were able to push the bill through by a narrow margin, and bazooka owners across the state are celebrating the momentous occasion.

“Finally, Texans are equipped with the appropriate amount of explosive projectiles to properly protect their home, their family, and their state,” explained Dr. Richard Monroe, chairman of the 2nd Amendment Advocates, a political action committee responsible for furnishing many Americans with highly explosive weapons over the past decade. “If Mohammed Al-whatever tries to take away the freedoms of any Texas citizen, he will be receiving a SA-374 missile to the face.”

The bill will allow Texans who are registered gun owners to carry up to three rocket launchers on their person, as well as 20 missiles or rocket-propelled grenades. The “concealed-carry” law also permits owners to bring their bazookas into post offices, libraries, grocery stores, university dormitories, and most other public areas.

“Imagine a situation where a mugger steals a woman’s purse, and a law-abiding citizen pulls out his ARG-37 Annihilator and fires a series of rockets, sending the criminal’s scorched carcass and limbs 50 feet in the air,” explained Monroe. “When I think of that kind of unbridled patriotism, frankly, it brings a tear to my eye. That, my friend, is justice.”

However, Monroe stated that bazookas will still be illegal to carry inside of smaller areas such as coffeehouses, to prevent the accidental discharge of a small warhead in a highly populated area.

“We didn’t want someone to accidentally bump into you and set off a huge, fiery explosion,” added Monroe. “The goal is to never allow Americans to get caught up in a massive fiery explosion.”

Interest groups such as the 2nd Amendment Advocates and Americans for Explosive Rights have been pushing similar legislation for years, such as the concealed Molotov cocktail bill of 1997 and the fight for requiring grenade launchers to be attached to all assault rifles that took place in 2004. Conservatives have praised the passing of the concealed rocket launcher bill, but some have questioned the purpose of equipping Americans with such hazardous weaponry.

“If we are allowing gun owners to carry bazookas on their person, what’s stopping them from carrying flamethrowers, poison gas, or nuclear bombs? We have to draw the line somewhere,” explained Dr. Howard Tulis, professor emeritus in government at Columbia University. “Clearly the neo-cons believe that violence is the only way to get anywhere. Have they tried writing a strongly-worded letter?”

The concealed rocket launcher law is set to go into effect in mid-October. Until then, Texans with concealed-carry licenses are encouraged to set up targets behind their trailer homes for practice, and to educate their children as how to properly load an rocket-propelled grenade.



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